Tattoo

 Funny Snake tatoo joke picture

A tattoo parlour opened up the road, and I shook my head in high-brow despair: why would anyone want to deface themselves like that? But as the crowds flooded in and my little town's complexion became distinctly coloured, I felt left out, alone in my ivory tower; so I ventured in late one day, disguised in a large grey twilight coat.

The parlour was all I imagined: a foul, dingy room, walls adorned with pictures of myriad tattoo'd yobs and yobettes.  A large bluey-red man with “I love Mum” emblazoned on his forearm silently handed me the catalogue.  I took my time – this was big decision, irreversible in its immensity, and though I felt some measure of guilt at fitting in with the great unwashed, I also felt satisfaction at being the first of the House of Windsor to get a tattoo.

Finally I settled on a very tasteful picture of a naked Amazon with immense breasts battling a writhing serpent – that would look very good on my penis and Lizzie was sure to be pleased.
Funny Royalty Snake Tattoo Joke

Taxi

funny taxi driver short joke story picture

The taxi pulled away and I eased back in to the leather seat with a sigh of relief.  The downpour had come out of nowhere and I'd been lucky to get a cab.  I looked forward to a beer and perhaps a takeaway curry.

The cab suddenly took an unexpected left turn, so I leaned forward and tapped on the glass.  "Wrong way, mate!"

The cab driver screamed and lost control of the car, nearly hitting a bus.  The cab mounted the pavement, nearly killing and old couple, before coming to a sudden halt inches away from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!"

I apologised, but said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

Funny short joke