"Gawd, am I in trouble," sighed Joe, as he and Marty staggered home from the pub. "The missus is gonna kill me."
"Will she be waiting?" asked Marty.
"No," replied Joe, "but it don't matter none. She'll wake up. I've tried everything: parking the car a block from the house and walking the rest of the way, entering the house as quietly as a I can, taking off my shoes before climbing the stairs, even getting undressed in the bathroom... but the minute I get into bed she wakes up and all hell breaks loose."
Marty laughed loudly. "You're doing it all wrong, my friend. I speed up the car and slam on the brakes when I reach my house so that my tires squeal. Then I slam the front door loudly, stomp up the stairs, bounce on the bed and grab my wife's backside, saying, "Hey honey, how 'bout a little sexy time?